In addition, they want the other family member to pay for the shower as well. Skip to GTV: 10:00. ago Me and my fiance carefully chose the rules and in total there was about 30 rules. NTA~lotsofcache. After you are married, your MIL will treat your kids differently because they arent her biological grandkids., Things like birthdays and Christmas will become nightmares., I am not talking about paying for education or other more extravagant gifts, just the everyday living experiences., I am not saying you expect any of this, it is just what will probably happen. "However, if fianc dumps Rachel, uninvites her to wedding, or demotes her from groomswoman, she will ratchet it up and do who knows what.". The planning and arrangements can take their toll on anyone. ._2a172ppKObqWfRHr8eWBKV{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:8px}._39-woRduNuowN7G4JTW4I8{margin-top:12px}._136QdRzXkGKNtSQ-h1fUru{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:8px 0;width:100%}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_{font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_,._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{margin-left:auto}._1-25VxiIsZFVU88qFh-T8p{padding:0}._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor)} I had to set a boundary with them and let them know I can pay for 2 of the 3 things they are requesting - either the shower, the transportation to the wedding or rent. 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Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:21px;font-weight:400;word-wrap:break-word;width:100%;padding:0;border:none;background-color:transparent;resize:none;outline:none;cursor:pointer;color:var(--newRedditTheme-bodyText)}._2JIiUcAdp9rIhjEbIjcuQ-{resize:none;cursor:auto}._2I2LpaEhGCzQ9inJMwliNO,._42Nh7O6pFcqnA6OZd3bOK{display:inline-block;margin-left:4px;vertical-align:middle}._42Nh7O6pFcqnA6OZd3bOK{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);height:16px;width:16px;margin-bottom:2px} And his name is Crazy man. Therefore, she and her fianc requested that each guest gift them $1,500 in cash to pay off their wedding. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Not the A-hole I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. Cookie Notice For more information, please see our It's a shame, but there it is. 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When someone moves across the country, they accept the reality that they'll miss milestones for all sorts of reasons ranging from costs to time. NTA. Please listen to the people here who have experienced this. (I denied the guests invites my parents proposed from their side). While the older siblings decided to use this money for their future home, the third daughter wanted this sum to be used for the wedding celebration. My sister-in-law, who lives on the other side of the country, is upset that we won't pay for her ticket and is now refusing to come to the wedding. I always say have your wedding wherever you want, but dont expect everyone to travel far to attend. A few months ago we said to our family and friends that only a few select people will be making speeches, and giving them a fairly strict time limit. I would not marry this man., Yeah the silence from him is alarmingly loud. Be delicate, but don't back down. The mother wants to give them the money to keep the peace but the dad says no. Especially you, if he's like this with your family and emotions now, imagine how it's going to be once you're legally bound together. We respect your privacy. "She ain't giving up without a MAJOR fight.". Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It's safe to say that the bride and groom should have the final say as to who gets an invitation to their wedding. ._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ{border-top:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);margin-top:16px;padding-top:16px}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN{margin:0;padding:0}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;margin:8px 0}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ.QgBK4ECuqpeR2umRjYcP2{opacity:.4}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ label{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ label svg{fill:currentColor;height:20px;margin-right:4px;width:20px;-ms-flex:0 0 auto;flex:0 0 auto}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._4OtOUaGIjjp2cNJMUxme_{-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._4OtOUaGIjjp2cNJMUxme_ svg{display:inline-block;height:12px;width:12px}._2b2iJtPCDQ6eKanYDf3Jho{-ms-flex:0 0 auto;flex:0 0 auto}._4OtOUaGIjjp2cNJMUxme_{padding:0 12px}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:12px;letter-spacing:unset;line-height:16px;text-transform:unset;--textColor:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor);--textColorHover:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColorShaded80);font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;color:var(--textColor);fill:var(--textColor);opacity:1}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F._2UlgIO1LIFVpT30ItAtPfb{--textColor:var(--newRedditTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor);--textColorHover:var(--newRedditTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColorShaded80)}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F:active,._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F:hover{color:var(--textColorHover);fill:var(--textColorHover)}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F:disabled,._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F[data-disabled],._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F[disabled]{opacity:.5;cursor:not-allowed}._3a4fkgD25f5G-b0Y8wVIBe{margin-right:8px} Even though this sounds like a great alternative, the parents were quite upset with their daughter spending their $5K on caterers and wedding-related things that they couldnt get back. Ive never been invited to wedding that included travel expenses. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. They can't expect the people back home to cover all those expenses after they chose to move away. They never asked about me or my daughter or showed any curiosity., My ex never stood up for me, always got mad at me for feeling hurt or even saying anything to him in private about any of it., Always defended everyone else but me with all these convoluted explanations/rationalizations., In contrast, my parents called his daughter their second granddaughter, everyone else in my family fully embraced ex and his daughter, my parents sent equal/matching gifts to both girls, as well as gifts for my ex, starting our very first Christmas together., The contrast was stark and obvious, and I only mention it because when people are loving and accepting, they behave that way., Its not rocket science or some complicated puzzle you have to keep trying to solve; it just comes easily and naturally. Her interests also include photography, literature and hiking. I have a feeling that the parents would do exactly that cos they seem like good decent people. They asked another family member to help plan the shower. She's very disappointed and things have been icy because they would have to put off getting a house together if they were to pay for the wedding and they still wouldn't be able to afford the wedding that they want. If sil cant afford it, shes not ta if she doesnt come. Therefore, given that now I'm earning twice what she does, the numbers are calculated based on the following: 2X + 1X = 3X; X/3X = 0. ._3oeM4kc-2-4z-A0RTQLg0I{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between} We put this canyon fee on our invitations. .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} ._2cHgYGbfV9EZMSThqLt2tx{margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{width:75%;height:24px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-,._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{background:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);background-size:200%;margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-{width:100%;height:46px} The father revealed that their family had an agreement that the parents would give their children each $10K to be spent on the wedding or a down payment on their first home. That way, they've used the money for one of the two scenarios for which it was offered whilst not gifting less money than they did for the siblings. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/IdCard.ea0ac1df4e6491a16d39_.css.map*/._2JU2WQDzn5pAlpxqChbxr7{height:16px;margin-right:8px;width:16px}._3E45je-29yDjfFqFcLCXyH{margin-top:16px}._13YtS_rCnVZG1ns2xaCalg{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._1m5fPZN4q3vKVg9SgU43u2{margin-top:12px}._17A-IdW3j1_fI_pN-8tMV-{display:inline-block;margin-bottom:8px;margin-right:5px}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY{border-radius:20px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;line-height:16px;padding:3px 10px;text-transform:none}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY:focus{outline:unset} Run, OP. Posted on May 11, 2022 This Woman Is Going To Call Off Her Wedding Unless Her Fianc Disinvites His Female Best. This page may contain sensitive or adult content that's not for everyone. A mom asked the AITA community on Reddit for their opinion, on whether or not she did the right thing by taking her daughter and leaving a wedding they were attending because her stepbrother pulled off her wig in front of everyone. Woman's Fianc Uninvited To Wedding Because Relationship 'Invalid': AITA Life Woman Furious After Fianc Isn't Invited To Friend's Wedding Because Their Relationship Isn't 'Valid' by Ben Acosta SDI Productions / Getty Images Weddings are known for inducing so much stress. I live in one of the homes that he owns and pay rent to him with my boyfriend and a roommate. if you cant afford to foot her fare, then dont. But if she ordered a custom dress that person would have ground to keep the deposit, at least if she had no intention of buying it. Specifically, the wedding date is set for Halloween because OP herself (as well as her partner, a 30-year-old . I told her this and she's not too happy to say the least. You can change your preferences. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Judgement_Bot_AITA 1 min. This is a huge red flag and your fiance is not making a good decision here.~Top-Ad-2676, This is spot on. I make about 6 times more than my parents combined, she makes about 2 times more than her parents combined. For context, OP is getting married soon. Image source: RosieBaker19. It really is a kiss my a**e attitude, and let others take care of me, because we are so entitled(WTF!) Do this over text and save any and . Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? The specialists revealed that this is not a very common occurrence, adding: The more common scenario is for couples to completely change their minds before the actual planning starts. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Yeah, that's a really weird plan. Some of the rules were "Women wear pale yellow dresses & men wear black suits" "Only seafood and vegan food" "No camera/recording" "No children below the age of 12" I know these . 2 Reply DisgruntledPelican54 43 min. My fiance ( 23M) and I (23 F) are getting married in less than a month. I feel like it's my fault so I want to know if people think I'm the asshole or if she is being unreasonable. So a couple may have originally thought they wanted to have a big wedding with lots of guests but then end up going down the route of eloping. Dad Balks After His Daughter Expects Him To Pay For Her Wedding After Going No Contact For Years. Then it's the namesake. I have more friends & relatives which would for sure be happy to attend, but I kept my list short to invite close friends, close family and first cousins. Press J to jump to the feed. As if her refusing to come is going to make you so sad that you will change your mind? Concerns were raised about the relationship. 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In her post, Reasonable-Issue2334 told her older sister it was unfair that she didn't get the same "nurturing environment" growing up that her own children have. Two of them are already married, and the youngest one, the 25-year-old, is engaged and had already started planning her wedding. "I SPECIFICALLY I mean SPECIFICALLY asked for cash gifts. Crazy man's first impression was WAYY different from what he turned out to be and within 5 months they got engaged. Hey! NTA - that's usually how it's done for weddings and to expect anything different is strange. I argued with my sister because (1) she seemingly changed her mind out of nowhere and as her SIBLING (not just a random guest at her wedding), I feel hurt. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Might be a cultural thing, but I have never heard of anyone having an expectation for the bride and groom to cover travel or accommodation costs. If the planning would have ended with me having more guests than she would've had, then I would've willingly covered entirely the cost of the extra guests coming from my side. I did not argue with my sister because my best friend wasn't invitedI just wasn't sure how else to title this without it being too wordy. You're getting married somewhere close to wherever you live. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Sounds complicated? Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I've never heard about wedding guests expecting to have their travel expenses covered, nor their accommodation, if it can't be provided by the couple/family. She's known you're getting married likely for months now. as long as you are both perfectly okay with her not coming, NTA. Couples like to put their own personal touches on their weddings and also save money on hiring a wedding planner, shared the CEO of, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. Half are now flying to the place we are getting married, and paying for their own plane tickets. Do not discuss anything about wedding planning with your p. Plan this thing with your fianc. You only have so much of it to spend, so you have to make sure to spend it with the people you cherish and who cherish you. My husband (32) and I (26) have been married for nearly 6 months. It is also normal for guests to pay their travel and accommodation costs! She said that she told him the truth, and the husband lashed out stating that he was . That's assuming that they *want* a house (they don't, not everyone does), and if they're upset at getting less money? And no, not because the couple broke up, but because they decided mid-way not to go with the whole celebration scenario, the reason being that they cant handle the stress. The end result would be that she'd have about 55-60 guests from her side. 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