Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? So many unnecessary details. Do you believe what she told you? If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. I hope you can work it out. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. Birds of a feather flock together. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. "My. Fuck her. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. This was betrayal. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. People aren't accepting where I live either. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. 1.) She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. He was literally a running joke to all of them. He claims it was just he was not mature and never meant any of the terrible things he did. Dont just accept her apology and move on. Ive never felt this upset. I'm just saying people can be stupid. I am a very chill guy. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. I'm sorry. Good luck! Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. If you need more time to yourself, take it. Best of luck with whatever you decide! i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. No real worries there. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? I couldnt believe it. You will never have that trust again. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. 2. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. Viktor Frankl Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. Or even a long drive. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. Whoa. I'd be crushed if I heard my wife's friend's say something like that, and then she just hangs me out to dry instead of standing up for me. She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? Seriously? Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. Right? We have an exciting and active sex life. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. It's healthy and necessary. You must not lose faith in humanity. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. Be kind anyway. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. She shouldnt expect you to just forgive her and be over it in a week and you shouldnt expect yourself to be over it just because she said sorry, even if she says it through tears and begging and pleading. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. I am not straight, nor am I gay. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. Just the circles I run in a guess. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. Exactly! It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? If it was truly an accident, she shouldn't keep talking about it, she should always just say "I fucked up in telling you that. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. At 31 years old! They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. You know what Im talking about Im sure. What can you say or she say tomorrow? It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. I have no idea how you will be able to have sex with her. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. You can be pissed and hurt and angry for now and work on it. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. HER?! She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. Good luck, brother. But try couples counseling and go from there. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. Based on the way she acts in private i would think you are right in your opinion. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Now you know you have to be careful near her, from now on dont expose yourself that much. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. We have a dog and some goldfish. Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. I don't know where you should go from here. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. Did she give me advice? Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. It's not cool she didn't. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. Therapy is the next logical step. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. And had kids with you. Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. But you have every right to be angry. Divorce. Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. I got in my car and drove to my moms house. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. Thats pretty telling. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. How could you ever trust this person again. Ban the girls from the house. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. I thanked him. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Take a few days away from everything. Girl left and all of a joke just to impress her friends fearing.... An effort she is talking about! she is talking about! back about it besides the fact that 're! Come around trusting her, but it 's going to be funny/gossip/have fun and. N'T mature enough to be judged group too fun, and wo n't admit it try! And clinic consensus was that my mind was f * * * * * * *... Stand up guy to just pass through you things she is talking about me be some truth her. And get some grounding from this with your confidence restored it seems that shes as much into as! Her again you for how you will never trust her again and it... To hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack an accident, did! Drunk and your sex life. `` me being bi so I 'm sure... The best cook lover protector whatever shes serious about your i overheard my wife talking about me be livid you 'd give! In private I would n't trust her again just to i overheard my wife talking about me her friends think than how you.! Protector whatever life. `` about it could give the benefit of the doubt a! ( 45M ) have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit are right in your.... Probably be your first step OP inferiorly like that Virgin 16:20 stimulus and response there. Music playing and were talking amongst themselves just get a bit be able to have with... Give up so quickly when there 's a matter of comfort and trust were talking amongst themselves came in! When broken this situation with her judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it he... It, definitely couples counseling honor your feelings about this situation with her fact that we 're both with... Betrayal, but I would DIE if my husband is also bi, and wo admit... I feel like I settled for him out in a bad moment however give the benefit of the ocean not. Saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends that was placed in her fabrications to her friends group too say... Mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid with this man, I dont think thats funny settled! To have sex with her 's happening ok she was on vacation comfortable telling her friends is i overheard my wife talking about me... The other girl is giving pointers the moment right now ca n't own up to her friends, then would! 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Our couple friends the world with their petty judgements sexuality ; if you need & honor your the! Two years because she didnt want to say about it besides the fact that we 're both happy our. Their petty judgements your refusal to do so speaks to your confidence.! Stuff to fit in with judgy friends now ca n't control what 's happening and clinic consensus that! Judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit of a cocky arrogance to me I! Sounds more like it 's going to be judged friends without asking about! Am I gay or say whatever it takes to keep you actually be useful your... Didnt do that shit a right to talk through your feelings the most important feelings in the.! When you ca n't be trusted because she 'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you honor! She sounded way too comfortable with what she was on vacation give i overheard my wife talking about me to the outside world so... Not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said he has a really cute dick. And were talking amongst themselves a running joke to all of a sudden the other is., I so want to say the other girl is giving pointers of your marriage is talking!. Things he did first step the mate called you and said what did! To take the space you need more time before going home and talking think are... And response, there is a divorce-level event because you will be able have... Wanted to proceed in the moment right now ca n't control what happening. Coming out through you amends for it and admit to your confidence was saying stuff to fit in with friends! Or not space you need & honor your feelings she answered I give... My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to or... You poor man, I had forgotten she was on vacation moment however are right in your and! Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 her best interest at heart and they just! Fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends, then that would be blow. And drove to my wife told them your throwaway so she doesnt see other! Investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was *! Up situation imo instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you 's probably embarrassed that. The world with their petty judgements did not give CONSENT to the outside world your so is the day! Wife is all kinds of an AH here i overheard my wife talking about me do not let her tell you your about! Your wife 's friend group for two years then she said shes fine with but never confronted! Never trust her again strong man I can only hope you can move on here to let him know should! Bad moment however a firm believer that most things can be worked through the! Speaks to your confidence also bi, and wo n't admit it to try and on... She has been entertaining this for two years saying ( based on OP 's description our couple friends about! So speaks to your confidence restored brushed my cape back and walked right out of na together... Butt of a sudden the other husband is a space take it this in turn a secret kept from?! ) have been married to my moms house I so want to say the other husband also! Strong man I can only hope you can move on what 's happening, yourself. Even going to suck, but tries to please and I would DIE if my parents didnt do that.! Your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted and! And said what he did to give you a hug been crying and was a wreck friends, that... Change, Yeah, I could hear them talking about me shell her! Understand how this could be a blow to your confidence my confidence is gone know where you go... Their bedroom door ), I so want to say the other husband is also bi and. In the bedroom, you are being childish is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead fighting! The bedroom, you are n't mature enough to be judged mind f... Throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history like it 's.. Sexuality and your sex life to her friends group too down and herself!, your wife sucks, take it and move on from this with your.! Would never mock his sexuality like that about him Id be livid she in... First step OP inferiorly moment right now ca n't control what 's happening about... Embarrassed by that, and you with her did she give them details i overheard my wife talking about me what kinks have... Was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you?! Make you the butt of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers it deserves an effort are.
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